Each of us makes assumptions in our relationships. These assumptions might originate from outside sources, like the media and our family and friends, which “have been taken out of context, misread or blown out of proportion,” said Ashley Thorn, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Salt Lake City, Utah.Relationships Relationships Relationships Relationships Relationships
These assumptions also might arise from not directly discussing our thoughts and feelings with our partners, asking enough questions or listening to them, she said.
Assumptions take a serious toll on relationships. “[Y]ou’re basically deciding a thought you’re having is ‘fact’ when you don’t have all the information.” This can lead to poor decision-making, she explained.
Assumptions also don’t let partners share their side. Assumptions leave people feeling undervalued and unheard, said Thorn, who works with individuals, couples and families to help them improve their relationships.
Below, Thorn revealed five common assumptions many of us make, along with insights into dismantling these damaging beliefs.Relationships Relationships Relationships Relationships Relationships
1. “If you love me, you’ll know what I’m thinking.”
One of the biggest assumptions we make is twofold: We believe our partners can read our minds. If they can’t, then we believe they must not love or care about us, Thorn said.
“We often assume that we’ve communicated thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, etc., effectively, when most of the time we really haven’t,” she said. Instead, we give hints and use blaming.