Seven years into our marriage, my husband and I found ourselves resentful of one another, and we had no idea how we’d gotten there. Neither of us trusted what the other said. It wasn’t because of outright lies, but rather because we’d both spent years sending mixed messages.Relationships Relationships Relationships Relationships Relationships
Our awesome marriage therapist put a quick end to this behavior, telling us to think hard about the ways we were acting the opposite of what we really wanted. We still work on these things, but now that we’re aware of them, we see these bad patterns in other couples, too.Relationships Relationships Relationships Relationships Relationships
1. You want your partner’s help around the house, but you complain that they do everything wrong.
If you’re asking for help with chores and childcare, you need to let your partner do it their way, not the way you think they should be doing it.
I used to do this with my husband, ask him to help with the kids and then critique the way he took care of them. Truth is, he’s a great dad–not just when he does stuff the way I do, but even more so for the ways he does things differently.Relationships Relationships Relationships Relationships Relationships
2. You want your partner to have friends, but you sulk when he or she spends time away from you.
If you want your love to have real friendships, you need to let him or her actually spend time building bonds with their pals. That means smiling and saying “great!” when he says he wants to spend a day here or there with his bros, or encouraging her to go for a girl’s night out, even when you wish you could be together.